#AMonthOnFilm – Water

26—Water

Yesterday evening and night was very challenging and draining as I experienced intense emotional and somatic flashbacks, and extreme anxiety and depression. Today I’m still struggling so my main goal was to do some gentle exercising and take a shower. I wasn’t sure I would be able to do all of that today. But somehow I did. As I was getting out of of the shower I noticed these water drops on the shower curtain that stood out in the light. I’m not usually a fan of artificial light for photos but in this case the light from a nearby light bulb is what really helped me to see, take note of and appreciate the drops of water—the drops of water that symbolize the hard work I put in just to achieve something as basic as taking a shower.

#amonthonfilm is a photo project with prompts hosted by two photographers on Instagram
Photo taken: September 26, 2020

For this project I used: Nikon F100, Kodak Portra 400

film developed & scanned by The Darkroom Lab

#AMonthOnFilm – After dinner

25—After dinner

Just some of the items left on the table after we enjoyed a meal of taco salad.

#amonthonfilm is a photo project with prompts hosted by two photographers on Instagram
Photo taken: September 25, 2020

For this project I used: Nikon F100, Kodak Portra 400

film developed & scanned by The Darkroom Lab

#AMonthOnFilm – Still life

24—Still life

Ben and my wedding rings seemed like an appropriate idea since today (9/24) is our 15th wedding anniversary. I am so thankful God brought us together, that we have each other and that we’re growing and learning together. I wasn’t sure we’d get to celebrate 15 years of marriage due to Ben’s health and need for another lung transplant and my mental health—I wasn’t sure we would both be alive. This is something I try not to take for granted.

#amonthonfilm is a photo project with prompts hosted by two photographers on Instagram
Photo taken: September 24, 2020

For this project I used: Nikon F100, Kodak Portra 400

film developed & scanned by The Darkroom Lab

#AMonthOnFilm – Through the doorway

23—Through the doorway

Looking through the kitchen doorway at chicken enchiladas and rice we are making for supper

#amonthonfilm is a photo project with prompts hosted by two photographers on Instagram
Photo taken: September 23, 2020

For this project I used: Nikon F100, Kodak Portra 400

film developed & scanned by The Darkroom Lab

#AMonthOnFilm – Self

22—Self

I want to hide my whole self, I am scared

I am so much more than what people see—I am a body, a mind, a spirit, a soul

He sees me, He loves me, He knows me more intimately than any person ever could. I do not need to be afraid of Him.

#amonthonfilm is a photo project with prompts hosted by two photographers on Instagram
Photo taken: September 22, 2020

For this project I used: Nikon F100, Kodak Portra 400

film developed & scanned by The Darkroom Lab

#AMonthOnFilm – A feeling

21—A feeling

Trapped in darkness, trying to find a way to the light

#amonthonfilm is a photo project with prompts hosted by two photographers on Instagram
Photo taken: September 21, 2020

For this project I used: Nikon F100, Kodak Portra 400

film developed & scanned by The Darkroom Lab

#AMonthOnFilm – Empty

20—Empty

A collection of empty Jolly Rancher wrappers. Sometimes these empty wrappers will accumulate near me as I try to cope, until I can go throw them away. Over the past few months I’ve been slowly eating hard candy when my anxiety is super intense or sometimes during emotional or somatic flashbacks. It helps to notice the flavor to try to ground myself and cope. I know it’s not the healthiest option to be using candy and it’s also healthier than some things I’ve done to cope.

#amonthonfilm is a photo project with prompts hosted by two photographers on Instagram
Photo taken: September 20, 2020

For this project I used: Nikon F100, Kodak Portra 400

film developed & scanned by The Darkroom Lab

#AMonthOnFilm – 8 a.m. bedsheets

19—8 a.m. bedsheets

Where I sleep, where I sometimes lie awake with fear and anxiety, where I rest, where a lot goes on in my mind while sleeping and dreaming and while awake. Even though I often don’t feel safe I am thankful for a place that is safe to rest.

#amonthonfilm is a photo project with prompts hosted by two photographers on Instagram
Photo taken: September 19, 2020

For this project I used: Nikon F100, Kodak Portra 400

film developed & scanned by The Darkroom Lab

#AMonthOnFilm – Early morning

18—Early morning

Opened my eyes at 7:00 a.m., saw this, got out of bed, grabbed my digital and film cameras that I had placed on my nightstand last night, and took this picture and a few others with my digital camera. Mornings are usually extremely challenging for me—filled with lots of anxiety, depression and often somatic and emotional flashbacks—and it takes a lot of effort on my part and usually encouragement and help from my husband to get out of bed each day. It’s a very rough and exhausting way to start each day. I’ve noticed throughout this A Month On Film project that the days I take a picture first thing in the morning it does help in being able to get out of bed. Maybe this is something I need to incorporate into my regular morning routine. I am so thankful for the blessing that through photography I’ve been able to learn a skill that helps me to truly see, appreciate, and absorb my surroundings in a helpful way.

#amonthonfilm is a photo project with prompts hosted by two photographers on Instagram
Photo taken: September 18, 2020

For this project I used: Nikon F100, Kodak Portra 400

film developed & scanned by The Darkroom Lab

#AMonthOnFilm – Moving

17—Moving

Today I thought it would be good for me to do some extra walking in addition to my regular, everyday exercising to help cope and calm. I went outside in the evening and walked our yard and driveway—so here I am walking through the yard. Not sure how this will turn out, it’s always a pretty big mystery with film.

#amonthonfilm is a photo project with prompts hosted by two photographers on Instagram
Photo taken: September 17, 2020

For this project I used: Nikon F100, Kodak Portra 400

film developed & scanned by The Darkroom Lab