even in difficult places
My youngest daughter took over the kid’s computer area for her artwork…and I thought it was so beautiful, especially in the setting sunlight
You work so hard to keep breathing, smelling the scent of your essential oil and watching the mist twisting about in the golden, sunset light. You are making it through these extremely difficult moments even when it feels impossible.
We had just made it home from one of my neurofeedback appointments and I saw the beautiful shadow on the garage door. It was so refreshing and captivating so I tried to capture what I saw.
An image I made as a way to cope while my husband drove me to a neurofeedback appointment. Recently I’ve been taking my camera with me sometimes and take photos of things that I notice from the passenger seat as a way to try to help myself cope. The photos I take are by no means fantastic images and they do serve a deep purpose for me. This helps me try to focus on the present moment and my beautiful surroundings as we drive 1 1/2 hours each direction to my neurofeedback appointments twice each week. I constantly deal with intense anxiety and depression, and as I go to and participate in neurofeedback appointments, feel as though I’m stepping into the unknown. While neurofeedback is very safe and helpful for me I never know how I will be functioning, if I may be severely “triggered” at any point, what type of anxiety and trauma symptoms I may experience due to my history (not because neurofeedback is harmful). It’s a very frightening thing for me and each time and I do my best to trust God, courageously fight for life, growth and healing in this enormous battle, and remember the supportive people I have, and that this is a part of the recovery and healing process. Therapeutic photography has helped to keep me alive and I’m very thankful for this helpful part of me that creates these images which is an effective coping tool for me.
Today as I was taking my photo for my 365 on film I noticed my reflection in the tv screen. I found the sunset light in the room quite fascinating and used my DSLR to try to capture this moment. While I often feel wrong or vain for taking self portraits I’m slowly learning and growing as a person, seeing that the act of creating a self portrait can be so much deeper than just appearances. That maybe it’s ok to value myself enough to care about capturing myself, as a memory of this time of darkness, great struggle, intense internal battles, pain, survival, growth, healing and looking for light.
I took this image from the passenger seat while in the car on the way home from a neurofeedback appointment. I cannot really put into words my experiences, the challenges and some victories as a result of participating in neurofeedback. Sometimes taking pictures on the way to and home from appointments helps me to cope and work to express myself.
When one of my children emptied the dryer lint I was so fascinated by the lint particles as I saw them floating through the air highlighted by the sunlight, quickly got my camera and tried to see if I could capture the lint dust in the air. It was a helpful process to really notice my surroundings and appreciate the beauty as I was about to walk out the door and leave for a neurofeedback appointment which can be challenging for me. Looking at this image helps me to remember that moment.